


Time to put the home videos away

by youve_found_me



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Author Projecting onto Morality | Patton Sanders, Gen, Hurt Morality | Patton Sanders, Hurt No Comfort, Morality | Patton Sanders Angst, Morality | Patton Sanders Needs a Hug, Morality | Patton Sanders-centric, Reminiscing, Toxic friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-02-24
Packaged: 2021-03-14 12:35:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29667408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/youve_found_me/pseuds/youve_found_me
Summary: Patton found himself crying over memories.Again.And his emotions were getting the better of himAgain.And he couldn't go to Logan to talk some sense into him. No.Not again.
Relationships: Implied Logic | Logan Sanders & Morality | Patton Sanders
Kudos: 18





	Time to put the home videos away

**Author's Note:**

> Some good old Patton angst and contemplation of a childhood friendship
> 
> Don't focus on how awful I am at titles

Patton found himself crying over memories.

Again.

And his emotions were getting the better of him

Again.

And he couldn't go to Logan to talk some sense into him. No.

Not again.

So instead he tries to do it by himself, he didn't need the help. He could start with this video. 

It was an old 10 minute video, filmed with a cruddy little phone camera at 480p. The image was crunchy and you could barely define anything in the background due to lighting, but the faces were obvious to Patton. It was Thomas and an old friend. The two boys couldn't have been more than 9 or 10 at the time, and this was such an innocent video of them fooling around. 

Patton remembers this day: the two had spent the afternoon together at the friend's house. They had played outside for a bit and then came in to do some board games. If he remembers correctly, the boys were filming this alone in the friend's room while the sun set. They had asked if Thomas wanted to film a fun video and he didn't hesitate to say yes. The two even uploaded it to YouTube momentarily before panicking and deleting it. Patton found himself cringing and laughing as he watched it back the first time. 

Then the second time.

And a third and fourth and fifth and sixth.

By the seventh he was barely registering the things happening on screen, by the tenth he was crying. 

Because he missed that friend. 

And he shouldn't. 

Patton needs to remember that that wasn't a perfect day, and their time together was far from perfect. It did more harm then good being with them and yet here Patton sat, wishing to be able to say one last thing to them. Wishing for a rekindling or anything because maybe they could be like this. They were kids then, maybe things were better now. Patton almost forgot he also needed to play the role of reason. 

He sniffles a couple times and takes a deep breath, preparing himself to say it out loud because he he knew he needed to hear it. "We cannot be friends again and it's better this way. They were narcissistic and manipulative and much more, but-" Patton couldn't help himself. "But they were our closest friend. They were one of our first friends and I don't want to miss them but _I do._ " He was barely able to get the last part of the sentence out before he let out a small sob. Why was he crying over them? 

"It's okay to miss them right?" Patton asked no one. "It's okay as long as I don't do anything right?" The silence hurt him physically, and he couldn't help but feel worse. Because he knew they would have still been friends now if he had a choice. And he knew it was better this way, but he couldn't let go. He never got the chance to get closure and now they've left a wound in him that will never close. 

Thomas should have stopped the friendship but he didn't. Gosh that sounds selfish, but _Thomas_ needed to stop it. 

The two had stopped talking because _they_ decided to. Thomas sent a text, a friendly text, and was left on read. It had hurt initially, maybe the first day or so, but then all the sides and Thomas collectively agreed that this was a good thing.

Except Patton made him check every notification and look back at the message every now and then. And he knew he shouldn't and it stung every time, but he couldn't move on. It had been years and he still can't move on. And god it still hurts, it hurts more now then it did before for some reason. 

They didn't have to do that to him- to them. 

Unless.

Unless Thomas was the bad person here. 

Maybe Thomas made his friend feel miserable every time they hung out. Maybe Thomas was toxic and maybe they needed to ghost him. Maybe they had to do it for their own health. 

At the end of the day it's a conversation the two never got to have and never will have at this point. So what if Thomas ended up getting the short end of the stick, maybe that's okay? Or maybe not, Patton really can't tell. He takes another deep breath and sets down the video. 

He hopes he didn't affect Thomas too much, but no one has knocked on the door yet. 


End file.
